Telling My Friends...

Once the pregnancy was confirmed and the 2nd visit set up as well as a sonogram, I figured it was time to tell my friends. Keep in mind I was 17 as were most of my friends. To some of them this was just too cool and to others it was a disgrace.

The friends who did not think it was cool, in the end I lost their friendship. They had hopes and dreams of going to college and making something "big" of themselves. They certainly did not want to be caught hanging out with a pregnant girl.

The ones who thought it was just so cool, stuck by me until the newness wore off. Then their friendships too went by the wayside. They had lots of excuses not to invite me along anymore. Again I looked back and realize they didn't like my reality either.

My closest friend, Tina, stood by me through it all. Never once did she leave my side. She wiped my tears, hugged me when I needed it, gossipped with me, and was just there...ALWAYS!!! For her that was no major feat because she had hated Doug from the very moment she laid eyes on him. To this day I remember her saying I don't know what it is about him but I just can't seem to make myself like him. She tried very hard for my sake, she was my best friend and had been for the last 2 1/2 years. I knew she wasn't going anywhere, she promised to try to put her feelings aside for me. She would rub my belly (the only person outside of Doug i would allow to touch my belly) and say I can't believe we are having a baby. Tina was my rock, the very foundation on which I built the ability to know that I could do this.

She loved me, and she loved my baby...but she HATED Doug. To give her the credit she deserves she never once had "words" with Doug. And even when things were bad between Doug and I she never interfered (even though she probably should have on several occasions). Tina gave me the courage to face everyday at school when I knew that the other kids were talking. She helped me through my darkest days of wondering how we are going to make this all work. never once did she tell me that I was stupid nor did she ever tell me that I was crazy to try to raise this baby. Tina's encouragement allowed me to keep up with "normal" life, and yet try to still be a 17 year old girl.

One of My and Tina's favorite rituals was to sit together and watch "Golden Girls", I always called her Sophia and I was her "Blanche". We would eat junk (usually whatever I was craving that night) and watch the weekly episodes in the dark. When the show would begin we would sing the theme song at the top of our lungs, giggling the whole time. I loved those quiet moments with her, it was the only time I could be a 17 year girl that was having a baby and not have to worry what she was thinking of me or the situation I had found myself in. The "Golden Girls" theme song became the theme song for our friendship. There were a few times she sang it to me just to cheer me up (although she may never admit it).

I have never ever taken the time to thank Tina for what she did for me all those years ago. Nor for what she has done for me since and to this day continues to do for me. She has been my biggest fan even when I wasn't a fan of myself. She has loved me even when I didn't want to be loved. But most of all she has always been there to support me, and for that...Tina, I owe you more than I could ever repay you. Thank you for being my best friend and never letting me down. I love you with all my heart and would be lost without you.

To you Tina I dedicate this next post: