My Homecoming Tent...I Mean Dress...

I can't remember the exact of date of Homecoming that year and for whatever reason it is not written down in my journal. It must have been late fall because in my journal entry I talk about it being very cold the night of the football game.

As all attending high school students know Homecoming is a huge event for the school and the students. For the Seniors it was a big deal, it was the beginning of the end of our high school lives. In the next 8 months (or less) we would all be walking across that stage graduating and moving on with our plans for the future, some people we would keep in touch with others, others wouldn't, reguardless though Homecoming was one of our last big events together as a class. In my case I would give birth to my baby, hope to keep up at home while post-partum, and then walk across that stage.

To this very day I can still picture my dream of graduation day:
But that is another post for another day.

So when it came time for Homecoming I was finally not feeling so sick all the time, but I just wasn't sure I wanted to go. My friends all couldn't believe that I would miss Homecoming. When they asked why I never had a good reason. A lot of times I would just say I wasn't sure how I was going to feel. Honestly though I was horrified at the idea of getting a dress. By the time Homecoming rolled around I had started to gain weight. Now is where I probably need to explain that before I got pregnant I was 5ft 1in, and weigh about 98 lbs. I was a tiny little thing, so any weight on my little frame caused me to become pretty self conscious.

Finally I agreed to go to not only the Homecoming game (that I would never have missed, to this day I love high school football games) but to the Homecoming Dance as well. Oh my now I HAD to find a dress. To say that finding a dress was difficult would be the under statement of the century. I went into every store that sold Homecoming dresses that year. Unfortunately the style of dress that was popular that year was pleated at the belly, cut very tight across the chest, and flared more towards the bottom. Not a good look for someone who was beginning to put on weight and was early in a pregnancy. But yet everywhere we went that was the stinking style. (But then again that is just the kind of luck I have!!!)

There were more tears shed in dressing rooms that day then I had shed in my life up until that point. I would go into the dressing room, Tina would hand me a dress, I would try it on, I would be so embarrassed that I wouldn't even let her see it on me. Store, after store, after store my faithful companion would do this for me. It was horrible, being so tiny I never had a problem finding clothes that would fit me. This was a disaster, and I was coming unraveled quick. (darn those pregnant emotions) Finally we agreed to stop and get something to eat because I hadn't really eaten much all day. And I think Tina was afraid that if I didn't stop crying I would dehydrate or something.

Tina was so smart, because once we stopped for lunch, and began looking again I was feeling so much better. This was the first sign that I was really pregnant as far as my appearance went. Up to this point I was still wearing (ok squeezing) into my jeans and just wearing my shirts un-tucked (which by the way was NOT the style back then), so I hadn't really given much thought to the fact that my body was starting to change. I guess it was during this shopping trip specifically that I knew my body was never going to be the same again. (and it hasn't been) I remember sitting in Jerry's Pizza & Subs and crying to Tina that my body was changing and it scared me. Tina, bless her heart, she never said a word (I think she knew better) she just smiled and told me to eat. I can now look back and realize that she knew what I was saying was...I am pregnant and I am scared to death I am going to fail at this and my body changing doesn't scare me as much as everything that is still to come. I will always love her for not probing me on that, for just letting it go. We both knew what I was saying without me having to actually say it.

Once my belly was full, I had plenty to drink (in case of more tears), and I had peed a million times in the 20 minutes it took us to eat, we were off again looking for dresses. Finally we went into Woodie's and Tina found a very cute 2 piece outfit. I almost kissed her. It was purple (my favorite color at that time), it had a button up top with cute little silver button on it, it had some silver on the trim, and it was simple. It was not old lady looking, and it wasn't the tight fit style we had seen in the other stores. Now do they have my size? Hooray, Oh Happy Day!! They had my size in both the top and skirt. So I took them and off to the dressing room I went, I was so giddy. I had given up hope and accepted that me not being able to find a dress was God's way of saying you are not a child anymore, Casandra. I felt like God was saying Casandra grow up and face the reality...you are 17 and having a baby, you don't get to do fun things like Homecoming anymore.

Into the dressing I go to try on my find. (ok Tina's find) I pull the skirt on...yippee...it fit. I put the top on and began to button it up. Oh My God are you kidding me? The buttons gap open, my boobs are too big for the top. Here come the tears again...a waterfall is more like it...I sit on the floor in utter frustration and cry. Tina peeks in and asks me what was wrong I stand up to show her, and she laughs. SHE LAUGHS!!! I throw myself back on the floor in tears, hurt, and murderous intent. I am bawling my eyes out and my best friend in the whole world is laughing at the gaping buttons on the only outfit I can find for Homecoming. I am horrified, it makes me cry harder...and harder...and harder. By this point she is trying to calm me down, and says please don't take that the wrong way. What the heck do you mean...don't take it the wrong way...I ask. You just laughed your butt off at me because this top is too small, and I am not suppose to take it the wrong way!!!

About that time Tina helps me up off the floor, and says she will check to see if there is another size in the top. Off she goes and leaves me alone to ponder why my sweet hearted best friend would laugh at me like that. I was so hurt, and angry...kill her ran through my mind several times. Anyway she was back in a jiff and thank God they had the top in the next size up. I tried it on, and although it was a little big and would need the sides pulled in a bit, it did at least button without gaping. I was feeling so much better but was still ready to kill Tina. I got dressed and marched out of the dressing room right passed her. She jumped up and took off after me, I was walking as fast I could to get away from her. I got to the register paid for my outfit, and left the store. The whole time Tina said nothing but she did not leave my side either.

Finally I turned to her and said... you better say your sorry. Why did you laugh at me, you know I was having a hard time finding something anyway. You hurt my feelings. Tina stopped walking looked me dead in the eye and said...Casandra now you know how it feels to be me. (Did I mention at that time Tina was 5 ft 7in about 120 lbs with a double E (yes E) chest?) At that point even I began to laugh, what girl doesn't want that problem?